Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Leap Day Would be so Much Cooler in June

Happy February 29th! Happy Leap Day! Happy Broads are Allowed to Propose Marriage Day!

Isn't February 29th the coolest day ever? It's like a special bonus day that allows all of the jerks who were born on it to claim that they are only 6 years old, isn't that the most wonderful and clever thing in the world?! Who gives a shit? The only way I would care about leap day was if I were one of those jerks whose birthday was today but I'm not because my parents love me and gave me a real birthday.

Scientifically I understand why we have leap day. The Earth is too damn slow and lazy to make it around the sun in exactly 365 days so we need to make up the extra 1/4 of a day it takes in one way or another. I guess. Personally I don't care if we just let it throw off our precious calendars a little bit each year. It would spice things up if it were snowing in July or 60 degrees in February. Oh, wait, that second thing we've already taken care of thanks to global warming. We are so uptight as a society that it seems as if that won't fly so the leap day is the best thing they could come up with. I think I have a better idea.

One idea that I have heard tossed around, I believe Bill Simmons may be responsible for this, is that it should be an actual holiday. That since it only comes around every 4 years (except when it doesn't even have the common goddamn decency to show up on years divisible by 100 but not by 400. . . I can't be bothered to the rule, just know that it doesn't always show up) we should get to fully celebrate our extra day. No work. No school. You get the idea. This seems pretty solid to me with one eensy weensy flaw, it's at the end of February. Weather is usually crappy so we wouldn't spend leap day doing any thing fun anyways.

I have a slightly modified version of this. I think we should just add an extra day on to one of our better holidays. Maybe we can throw a bonus day into Thanksgiving weekend so that I can do even more drinking and turducken eating. Or possibly throw it in between New Year's Eve and New Year's Day so that you have time to recover from one hangover and then start fresh on New Year's Day so you can watch all the bowl games and create a new hangover. Why not add it to the 4th of July and call it Super 'Merican Freedom Day? The best country in the world deserves more than 1 day to celebrate it's Raditude, does it not?

I figure that we could make a whole big thing about it. Instead of wasting all of our news time watching the Republicans try to discover who is the most reprehensible human we can try and decide where our precious extra day is going to go. You could even throw in corporate sponsorships and everything. It would be an all encompassing campaign for most of the year before and then a massive celebration. Sure, other countries would end up having their days at different times but what does that matter? They can either conform to us or deal with us making fun of them for already being in September while we take a nice leisurely 32 day August. I mean, most of the countries worth visiting are so far away that it seems like you lose a day traveling anyway, what's the big deal if you miss a random Wednesday?

I think this is far better than the current system. Or maybe each year we can just add on 6 hours to a special day of partying. Of course this would completely reverse day and night but I think that it would be kind of neat to live a year backwards, I could pretend that I'm at the Arctic Circle. I really think this is something we should look into. Now, excuse me while I go pound a couple of 40's and party like it's a super weird day that doesn't normally exist. WOOOOOHOOOOOO!

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