Thursday, December 8, 2011

You will get nothing and like it

Being homeless must be a horrible and hellish existence. As someone who has always had a roof over their head and a full (probably over full) belly it's hard for me to imagine what that life must be like. That's why I was dumbfounded when my delicious leftovers were taken and just as quickly discarded by a picky bum.

I was reminiscing about this the other night and it got my blood boiling all these months later. Here, let me paint the scene for you. I went out for fancy Indian food. It was fantastic and plentiful so I had a bag full of leftovers. As I was about to enter a drinking establishment to tie a few on a homeless man came up to me and asked for some change. I asked if he was hungry and if he wanted my leftovers. He gladly accepted. Before I gave them to him I warned him about what it was. "Dude, these are kinda weird. It's an Indian lamb curry and eggplant, I know it's an acquired taste, I can just give you a buck if you prefer," I explained. "Man, I'm hungry! Food is food," he responded. So it was with a tinge of regret that I handed my food over to him. I know, I'm a dick, but I love Indian food and that was going to be a damn delicious lunch the next day. I guarandamntee it would have tasted better than the shitty turkey sandwich I just finished. I walked into the bar and proceeded to drink my face off as I am wont to do.

A few hours later I exit and what do I see splattered all over the sidewalk? My leftovers. None were eaten, they were just tossed on the ground directly next to a garbage can. If they were thrown 2 inches to the left I wouldn't have noticed them and gone home thinking that I had done a good deed and feeling a little less guilty about the Malort and Pabst swilling around in my stomach. No, it couldn't be that easy. Instead I saw that my delectable lunch for the next day had been discarded by someone who promised me they needed food. I understand that this rant reeks of privilege but I don't care, I was rankled. No, it was more than that, I was super fly TNT pissed. I had acted out of the kindness of my heart to try and help this man, this man who said he wanted food more than money when offered, and he rubbed it right in my face that my help was not welcome. If he wanted money for drink or drugs it was offered, dammit. Instead I gave him a feast fit for a Raja and it was thrown on the ground.

I totally respect it when someone begs for change and turns down food, that's fine. Be honest about what you want and I'm not going to care. Hell, it works both ways. I remember a bum telling me he needed some cash to get drunk so I gave him a dollar or two. I then joked that I better not see him eating anything later in the night, he laughed and said he wouldn't waste money on food. See, I respect that. I don't want to be deceived, that's all. I still give away my leftovers from time to time, I figure it's the bare minimum I can do. But I'll be damned if I ever give away fine ass Rogan Josh ever again. If I ever wanted to prove to myself that I was a glutton who held a grudge I think this post will more than suffice, it's insane that my mind remembers things like this and not anything useful. Although I can name all the Czars of Russia in order so at least that is still lodged in there somewhere, which is nice.

In conclusion, to all of the homeless reading this on their laptops somewhere, please eat the really nice food I give you. Or at the very least hide it when you are disgusted by it. Thanks!

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