Friday, April 20, 2012

Woah man, 4/20 is totally our special day to, uh, what? Funyuns.

Every once in a while I get a little worried about the posts I decide to write. As a rule I try to piss off as few of my friends as possible per post. If I didn't care about what my fellow readers thought I would have already posted my 8 post oral history of Brian Foss' inability to play video games, from Ken Griffey Jr Baseball to GoldenEye and beyond! As I have more than a few friends who partake in the marijuana smoking I was hesitant to rip on them for an entire post. Then I remembered how mellow they all are, especially today, and figured that this would be akin to making fun of the Amish on TV. No danger at all. So without further adieu. . .

I'm not a pot smoker. Never have been and never will be. It's not that I'm straightedge or any of that nonsense I've just never enjoyed smoking of anything. When there is smoke in my lungs I freak the fuck out and cough all over the place. This is not an enjoyable experience for me. If you put some pot in a brownie I would wolf it down gladly. In fact, I can't think of any substance I wouldn't eat in brownie form. Mmmmmm, brownies. This is all a long way of saying that I'm not anti-drug. I'm pretty pro-drug in fact. If you want to get fucked up go ahead and get fucked up. Just don't make a phoney baloney holiday about the whole thing and fill up my entire twitter and facebook feeds with your garbage.

Do people even know why they celebrate 4/20 in the first place? You should really head over to read about it on wikipedia, it's such a wonderfully convoluted bunch of bullshit that only pot heads would use it as justification for a holiday. Seriously, the whole 4:20 thing is based around a bunch of stoners looking for a hidden crop and being unable to find it. Isn't that essentially the same thing Mormonism is founded on? Of course there are multiple theories about the origin, another being that 4:20 is the ideal time to smoke the ganj. Really potheads? You can't wait 40 more minutes until the end of work? Slackers.

Why do you need a special little day to celebrate pot smoking anyway? Why not just work it into all the other holidays that already exist? That's what alcoholics have been doing for years. St Patrick's Day, Cinco de Mayo, any family gathering and Thursday are all specified drinking holidays. Doesn't it seem to be more than a little idiotic to promote a holiday based on doing an illegal activity? I'm not trying to get in an argument about the legality of marijuana (I say legalize it and tax the fuck out of it) but the fact of the matter is that it IS illegal, how about a wee bit of discretion? Driving 30 mph in a car with Bob Marley and Sublime bumper stickers today is just about the most obvious way to ask the cops to arrest you. Oh, that's a very nice 5 foot tall water pipe you have in the front window of your on campus apartment, it certainly doesn't announce that you are breaking the law or anything. Give me a fucking break. Just smoke your pot out of a discreet little hitter box and you'll be fine. I'm sorry if it doesn't have the same appeal or ritual that your 8 person hookah does but it doesn't make you look like an asshole desperate to get arrested either. Pretty sure you'll get just as fucked up.

I guess all my anger boils down to the idiocy of needing a special day to celebrate something that requires no celebration whatsoever. You like smoking pot, hooray. Now how about you just do so whenever you damn well please like everyone else does with their vices? If marijuana becomes legal in the US then I'll give you your special little holiday on the day that takes effect. Until then only a moron would celebrate a day that is representative of the time of day a bunch of idiots in San Rafael would gather to attempt to find a fictional marijuana crop. Seriously, it's asinine.

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