Saturday, March 17, 2012

Green with disgust

It's St Patrick's Day. I'm a pretty big fan since I enjoy any holiday that involves heavy consumption of beer, boiled potatoes and corned beef. I know that it's trendy to hate today because it brings all the amateurs out to the bars and everyone makes a fool of themselves as they reinforce very negative Irish stereotype. This doesn't really bother me. It's all in good fun as far as I see it. I'm a pretty easy going guy who has never minded watching other people become complete shit shows out at the bar, I like to think of it as a free stage show for my enjoyment. Don't be misled into thinking that this means I don't have any St Pat's day rage. I'm irked by the idiocy of dying every damn drink/food product green.

Green bagels, green ketchup, green cupcakes and the most egregious of all, green beer have me seeing red. You're not going to fool me into thinking Miller Lite is an acceptable beverage by pouring a gallon of food coloring into the keg, sorry. Any beer I drink today is going to be black. As awful as green beer is this year Burger King really upped the ante by giving away free fries with green ketchup. My stomach is doing somersaults just thinking about it. If you think that I trust Burger King enough to believe that the ketchup is dyed as opposed to just moldy you're sorely mistaken.

When did it become acceptable to show holiday spirit by just dying everything a sickening color? I feel the same way about every pastry being frosted orange and black at Halloween or pink at Valentine's day. At no point have I ever complained about a cookie not being festive enough or my beer not showing enough holiday cheer. So please, do the world a favor and refrain from eating any of that shite. Do what the Irish actually do, eat food that has had most of the color boiled out of it and wash it down with a pint of the black stuff.

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