Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The first rule of book club is you don't read fight club.

I want to be in a book club. Yeah, you heard me. For some reason book clubs have been taken over by women which is complete bullshit in my opinion. It is a common fact that women are unable to write good books (I have since been informed that this is not so much fact as it is my chauvinistic opinion. Or I just said it for a laugh) why should they get to have a monopoly on book clubs? As far as I can tell the majority of book clubs consist of a bunch of women drinking wine and discussing The Kite Runner once a month. If I were to join such a club I'm pretty sure I would get a lot of strange looks and feel kind of weird. Yet I yearn to read a book once a month and discuss it with a bunch of people. Everyone takes away something different from each book they read and longs to share them with others. Where as I need to be placed in a situation where I get to hear all of these diverse opinions, drink some booze, and loudly tell these buffoons that all of their opinions are wrong. As a man I am pretty much only allowed to act in this manner when watching sports, which is nice, but I need to broaden my horizons. I want to become a Jack (ass) of all trades.

God forbid a bunch of men get together and do something where they use their minds. If you were to judge men by what is portrayed in pop culture once could easily assume that men were incapable of spelling their own names let alone reading, discussing and understanding literature. Look, I love doing stupid shit more than many. I have an especially soft spot for horrid beer and sleeveless shirts. You know what else I like? Noam Chomsky, The Beats, Chuck Palahniuk and Leo Fucking Tolstoy.

Why can't a group of men get together and have a totally masculine and awesome book club? I'm sure I can find a group of like minded fellas who would enjoy doing such a thing, right? RIGHT?! Instead of reading all of the books that Oprah commands us to read we'll read manly books, like Bukowski and Hemmingway and basically anything about war and shit. We won't sip wine while we politely discuss the literature. No, we'll pound whiskey and challenge those with different opinions to step outside for a few minutes. If a book isn't good enough to get into a bare knuckle brawl over was it really worth the time it took to read it? I say no. Sure, it will be a bit difficult to avoid picking a different biography of Teddy Roosevelt every single month but I bet we can work around that. I can't be the only man out there who wants this, can I? Men in Chicago, let me know if you would seriously be interested in this. I may even be willing to host. Football doesn't start for 3 more months so it's not like you have anything better to do.

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